A Letter to my Cats

glanata · Post by **glanata** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 4:18 am

Dear Cats,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I can fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of other cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years -- feline attendance is not mandatory or helpful.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cats' back end. I cannot stress this enough.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

wal · Post by **wal** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 4:35 am

ip ban.

Bukkake Tsunami · Post by **Bukkake Tsunami** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 5:14 am

wal wrote:ip ban.

7Dime7MetalMassacre · Post by **7Dime7MetalMassacre** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 1:26 pm

glanata wrote:Dear Cats,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I can fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of other cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years -- feline attendance is not mandatory or helpful.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cats' back end. I cannot stress this enough.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

WTF?

Ip Ban

Roz · Post by **Roz** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 1:37 pm

fuck all you guys. this is a cute post. i endorse.

cats are awesome.

scrotal_tug · Post by **scrotal_tug** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 1:53 pm

Firestorm · Post by **Firestorm** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 4:07 pm

scrotal_tug wrote:

far beyond driven · Post by **far beyond driven** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 4:55 pm

my cat is possesed by a demon, i once saw it looming over me with a knife

Roz · Post by **Roz** » Fri Jul 07, 2006 6:03 pm

was this always in the Musician's Corner?

Browns Town · Post by **Browns Town** » Sat Jul 08, 2006 1:00 pm

CAT SCRATCH FEVER

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jul 08, 2006 2:14 pm

Browns Town wrote:CAT SCRATCH FEVER

BT i've always wondered this about you. If you were in the joint, would you suck the dick of a powerful gang leader to advance yourself up the ranks?

Browns Town · Post by **Browns Town** » Sun Jul 09, 2006 9:51 pm

PhilCore wrote:
Browns Town wrote:CAT SCRATCH FEVER
BT i've always wondered this about you. If you were in the joint, would you suck the dick of a powerful gang leader to advance yourself up the ranks?

I'd BE the gang leader, negress!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 3:55 am

vulgar_swede · Post by **vulgar_swede** » Tue Jul 11, 2006 3:28 am

PhilCore wrote: cats are awesome.

Right on

mo0sE · Post by **mo0sE** » Thu Jul 13, 2006 6:57 pm

glanata wrote:Dear Cats,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I can fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of other cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years -- feline attendance is not mandatory or helpful.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cats' back end. I cannot stress this enough.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

i thought this was a cool post till i noticed all the hidden messages when quoting

Panterachat

A Letter to my Cats

A Letter to my Cats

Re: A Letter to my Cats

Re: A Letter to my Cats